Can't come up with a title...

Omg... (ok, I don't like these shorties, but I'll have to use it now.)

Time flies by, like nothing else... Here we go again, standing on the same spot, doing nothing, not getting any better.

And again, this panic feeling at the end of every month... It seems like I can't get rid of it until I know what will come up next.

Oh, I'm so negative, but it's because:

1. I have one-day lenses (usually use month-lenses) that just don't fit my eyes = I can't see clear at all, which irritates me so much.
2. Well, nothing gets better, it seems like I'm gonna be stuck here still...

3. End of the month = thoughts of what the h*ll I'm doing.

4. I still can't see anything clear

5... etc etc.

I won't continue this crap-list.

I was planning on being i Tokyo at this time! Why won't they let me go??

I'm not doing anything anyway, and it seems like I won't be studying anything next season. So why have me stuck here anyway at first place?

And the contact lenses, it's because I'm allergic to something out there, so my left eye still gets red from time to time, which means I don't want to use my monthly-lenses so they get worse. Instead it's better using dailies so that I can throw them after a day = dirt won't stuck in my eyes, if there's something on the lenses after being outside.

But I can't see!! = irritates me to the top of everything

I'll go into something nicer.

Last saturday, my friend and her sister and I went to see the Sakura-trees in town, if they have start blooming. So we took our cameras, went out and there they stood blooming for everyone. (The Sakura-festicval should have been this saturday...)

The weather was just niice, sunny, no clouds, temperature around 18 degrees. Sakuras' were beautiful, we sat there and photographed what came into the camera lens.

Just chilled, like everyone else in the park. One of the best times this month.

Here's one of the shot I took with my camera:

FINALLY!!

YES!!

FINALLY my HAPPY SWING issue arrived today!! (^O^)

It has never been this late before...almost three weeks since they posted it.

I was gonna send a letter to the fan club again, but fortunately I had no stamps at home. I planned to go to the post office today to send it, but what a timing!

This time it's the JIRO issue, a great photo session with Jiro and snowboard as a theme. I love the photos, they're all showing how much Jiro loves snowboarding! And it also makes me wanna snowboard again.

Oh, and one of my GLAY-friends had his 'trouble' on "The Rating"-part discussed by GLAY.

This issue made my boring day happy! since I don't have any plans today...

Maybe watching some doramas I've still haven't watched?

Alexei Yagudin, and sakura.

This night, Alexei Yagudin was in my dreams... I don't know why, but I was really happy anyway! (^^) He was so handsome... <3

He's definitely welcome to enter my dreams again!

And today, mum and I went on a walk while my brother was on practice. Our dog Mio came with us, she was totally too happy to be able to walk normally. She ran and ran when we let her go free. I took my camera with me, so I've photographed when she's running like hell!

Yesterday, they had arranged a Sakura-festival in town. Well, the sakura-trees hadn't started to bloom yet... And it was so cold!! The wind blew too, and while a chorus sang a sakura-song, snow fell from the sky... I have never seen sakura together with snow..!

I meet my old classmates and teachers from the jap school. It was so freezing, so some of us decided to go somewhere. We went billiarding. It was really fun, I like billiard, even if I'm not that good...or I'm good sometimes, but I can also suck sometimes...

Anyway, it was a freezing but very fun day!

And April is already going to its end...! My panicing feeling starts to blow up again...

oh...crap...

I didn't knew I was gonna experience more of these doing-nothing-days... Now Easter is over, and we're already in the middle of April, which means, soon May, which again gives me not so good feelings. Just the thought...
Well well, I'm still struck with this red-eye thing. My left eye is still red since almost a month ago. The result of the blood test came yesterday, I didn't understand a thing of what it wanted to tell me. Just some numbers I can't understand, but it seems like I'm allergic to some things, not like my mum, but slightly. Well, the result didn't help my eye, it's still red. And the allergic eye drops didn't do a thing. I'm not so sure if I can trust what the doctor told me. She didn't seem to have wrong, but still....

And what's more irritating is, the mail, post. Nothing wants to arrive. Not the Happy Swing issue from GLAY, not the daily contact lenses we bought on internet last week, not the clicker thing for the dog training that had to arrive at least this week, the training is tomorrow..!
So what the heck is going on with the mailing system here??
I want my mail to arrive safely and fast, but hello, nothing is happening?

Oh, I'm so negative, but the thing is, I've got headache and my eye is still red and sometimes hurts a little. And I still can't get out of here. My parents won't let me go to Tokyo....
That's the biggest thing that bugs me right now.

I have to sleep now, or I don't have to, but I can't do better things when I got headache and other bothering things going on.
Why doesn't something nice happen to me?

...doing-nothing-day.

Sigh... I haven't been doing a thing today. Just reading manga, eating stuff from time to time, playing cards on the PC... Ok, I've been practicing bass a short time. I can play one new song now, that I started practicing yesterday evening. And I've photographed Mio a couple of times.

But, I don't feel good by doing nothing for a whole day.
I've said to mum about the house I've found in Tokyo, but she only responds with "how are you gonna pay this rent? It's expensive".

I still feel bad about doing nothing... Mum took "the day off" by not doing anything special. I don't know, but it kind of infected my thoughts too...

Hope tomorrow will be better.

Spring has come! Weey! (^O^)

At last! Spring has come to our late country. Sunny shining, around 10 degrees in the air, snow drops are popping out here and there. And it's already April.

I always get this panic feeling whenever a new month arrives. It hasn't been like this before, but since my life isn't steady at all, every month gives me panic. Thoughts like "what have I done for a whole month?" or "I'm still standing on the same f*cking spot in life!" are always running through my head whenever a new month begins. And so it started again.

But, this time, the skating season ended just before April, and now I have time to really do what I have to to make a move.
A move, yes. This move is, as the word say, move from here and to Tokyo. It's not going to be easy, no one has told me so. And I know, I've been thinking for it for so long. But I have to, I feel like I can't achieve anything by being here. Of course I'm teaching/coaching the skaters and do something for others. But me as a person, I'm not developing as a human being.

...I think I've been written this thing a few times before..?
So, I'll skip this, I've said same things over and over again, but in different months..hehe.

And now, I've found a place, not the cheapest, but enough. It's near to my host family and near to the center of Tokyo. It has everything without all the coin-machines you can find in other houses. The only thing is, I wanna have a single room, but it will cost too much, I think. I have to work more if I'm gonna be able to pay the rent. So a shared room with 3 others. Not the best, but I won't be able to get so many things with me anyway, so a smaller space would be enough. I'm just wondering if I'll be able to practice bass when I'm sharing with others... Of course, I'll be trying to practice when there aren't any others in the room. But then, would there be such times..?
Anyway, I'm worrying for such small things...

I've found a job, kind of... The question is, are they recruiting new staff anytime, or are they gonna contact me when they need new staff?? If the latter, the chance of having the job will be much smaller. I will have to search for other jobs... with good payment as well and much work times.

The thing that's left is, to talk with my parents of my thoughts.

The hardest thing. I've tried today, but never got the timing. Or I had a chance when me and mum went out with our dog for a walk today, but I wasn't sure how to begin... What a coward I am...(-__-)

I have to talk.


I'll practice some bass before watching the new episode of the japanese TV-show "Chocolat".

Sitting and scratching my head

This wednesday, GLAY will finally release their next single, "SAY YOUR DREAM". The song with the single's title will be 15 minutes long...! I think it'll be the longest song I'll listened to... I've already seen the first half (!) of the PV to the song. Like a short movie, has a story and a sequel, which I don't know if they'll show it on TV or only on their special site, in which you have to have a password to be able to access to it. Which you can get with the first edition of the single.

I can't wait to hear the songs! It's containing 6 songs, including two instrumentals.


This week I was off north to snowboard with my family, probably the last time since no one (except our youngest brother) wants to go there anymore. Not because it's a bad place, it's a really nice place, but if you've been there almost every year for around 10 yrs, you get bored. But it was fun this time, all members of the family went this time, including our little dog.

But fun it was, and I like snowboarding.


And now, there's only one month left of the skating season. Ok, I think there will be some practices elsewhere, but it won't be many, so I won't have anything to do. 'Cause I haven't looked for some new jobs either.
The thing is, I really wanna move to Tokyo, work there and live there, just for my own sake, so that I'll be able to develop (do you say so?) as a person. I mean, if I'm struck here at home, I won't be able to do anything, 'cause my mum will and is doing everything already, even if I'm helping her with some stuff. Yes, only SOME stuff...

But, I don't know how to convince my parents... I've tried a couple of times, but it always ends up without nothing, or just jokes or nods, looking not-interested...
Well, I'll just start with searching jobs and place to stay, I've searched from time to time, but it's been too early to really decide something for real, since I even haven't convinced my parents at all... But after the skating season, I'll be doing nothing, which means I can be moving at the time doing something good with the time, and not sit here like a dumb-ass doing nothing but scratch my head day in and day out.

...I haven't been writing English for so long, I'm forgetting easy words...! Not good, not good...


Anyway, this is where I am today, and hopefully not be next month.