"BUGS IN MY HEAD" !!

Everyday I'm thinking, what should I do? What am I going to do after graduation. People say I have to come up with something. Yeah, sure, well... hm, that's easy, right? I've been thinking for days now, or to be more specific, I've been thinking everyday for a long time. But I really can't come up with something good! Why should it be so hard? I want to have a goal too!

What am I suppose to do? Sure I want to become many things, know many things, but it has to be realistic. I can't dream away, soon the real life is going to start, and I feel I'm not ready yet. Even if I've got one more year to think, I don't feel like I've getting closer to the answer.

I don't want to just go to college, get a job, and work, then go and leave the life. I want to do something, something I know I like, something I can dedicate myself to. I want to do something with my life, we all know you only live this life once. Even if you believe you go to heaven after you've died, or that you come back into another lifeform, or whatever, this life you only live once. And I want to use this life to something good, something I know I want to do.
The problem is, I haven't find the IT. I haven't found the thing I want to do.

How do people find their thing? I've never been so confused in my life! Ever since I've realized how much time I have before graduation, I've been thinking and thinking, but the more I think, the more I seem to get confused. I mean, I don't want to get a job in some shop or something, and just do that. I want to create, help, do good, something different.

While writing this, I listen to GLAY. And when I listen to their songs, it feels like I can do whatever, like nothing is impossible.
I really hope I'll find the IT soon, I really have to find IT soon. The time is running away. I will be left without a future. I know I have to take time, and think, but soon the time will be gone. I can't just think for the rest of my life, and I know it.

Ah, feels a bit better to have write everything down. But still no answer.
Well, this kind of stuff is running around in my head all day, everyday. That's why this blog has the name "Bugs in my head", and as well a title of one of GLAY's songs, written by JIRO.


Tomorrow, the practice will be 3 hours, where the last hour will be for our parents, friends, and other important people to the team. We will have like an exhibition for them before we go to the competition in southern Sweden. Because every parent or friend can't get to the competition, they're going to have a view tomorrow.