Question without an Answer

It's been a hell of a weekend.

National Championship in synchro-skating. Didn't go as expected, even if we had such great practices before. We had many good practices, but it didn't go as expected. And the judges gave us weird points, even our coaches didn't understand why they gave us those points. They're going to talk with the judges and ask what did cause this low points.

In about three weeks or so, we're going to Zagreb, for the season's last competition. And the last one I'll participate too, 'cause after that I'll become too old for the junior team. Hope that it will end good.

And now, we have something called sport's vacation, one week off from school when you can go skiing somewhere, or do other sports.
My whole family has gone upwards in Sweden to go skiing and snowboarding etc. But I'm left home, because I have to attend skating practices for Zagreb. I'm okay with it, 'cause now I can be home without all the noise the family does.

Today, I've been sleeping as long as I needed, and rented some movies and just done nothing specially. Something I usually can't do. So I'm enjoying it very much! Even though the movies wasn't the best ones...

But things always bothers me, and this what-to-do-with-future thing does bother me now. I really have to decide soon. And I've been thinking in different perspectives, no answer. How the hell am I suppose to find the answer? I mean, sure, the best is to continue study somewhere, but I find Sweden too boring for that, for the moment.

And I'm really not sure how my feelings for things are right now. I have simply no idea. I can't identify my feelings. I'm so messed up right now. I have no answer... I have no idea. Dunno what to do. I feel I can't find anything if I stay here like this, but at the same time, where would I ever find anything than here? Where to go otherwise?


I'm lost


sigh...